Be More Selfish
And by that, I mean practice more self-care
He was burned out. Completely down to the nub of usefulness to others.
“Frank, I’m just so run down lately,” a work buddy told me recently. “I can’t get my head back into the game of life.”
A trained combat medic, he is now relegated to the position of managing others who get to go have all the fun. Such is the irony of success in my profession — you do so well at your career that you eventually promote out of doing the job and into sitting behind a desk, answering emails, and tracking spreadsheets of names that are doing what you used to enjoy.
He was burned out because he wasn’t being selfish enough. I know that feeling well, so I was uniquely positioned to both listen with care and suggest how to break out of the funk.
Wait, what?
I’ll say it again for those of you in the distant cheap seats: he wasn’t being selfish enough.
You have to be selfish.
That word usually has a negative connotation. Most of us are taught from a very young age that being selfish is bad. Unacceptable. Inexcusable.
“Share your toys with your (insert sibling label here)!”
“Let others go first!”
“Don’t take the last piece of chicken. Let someone else have that privilege!”
And yeah, being selfish certainly can be a bad thing when you’re just doing it to be an asshole. No argument there.
As adults, though, we have learned that being selfish in a certain context is not only okay, it’s also necessary. In the case of my buddy, it has become the difference between effectiveness and insanity.
What I really mean by “selfish”
Self-care. That’s what I mean. Taking time every day to focus on you and you alone before you even encounter another human being.
You know how, when you’re on an airplane waiting to take off, the flight attendants go through their little song and dance about buckling your seatbelt, not turning on large electronics until the plane is stabilized at 30-whatever thousand feet, etc.?
They also go through the procedures in case the cabin loses air pressure in flight. The masks are going to drop from the ceiling, and here’s how you put one on…
Starting with what? Do you remember?
Yep. You putting your mask on before you even attempt to help someone else. Just taken in its raw form, this statement encourages you to be selfish. Like, to hell with everyone else until you make sure YOU are safe.
Here’s the thing with that, though. They are saying that to everyone. Everyone on that plane should selfishly help themselves before seeking to help others.
For one thing, if everyone follows that instruction, then everyone will be safe because they put their own mask on. The potential for chaos goes down dramatically, and the odds that everyone has a mask on and therefore won’t panic or pass out from lack of oxygen is severely reduced.
Mostly, though, it’s a recognition of one age old fact: you are of no use to anyone else if you are stricken and incapacitated due to lack of self-care.
Personal anecdote
Many moons and several lives ago, I was a church pastor. Once a month, our church would put on these lavish potluck lunches following Sunday morning service. There would be enough food at even the most modest of these to feed nearly an entire city, and no one would ever go home from one on an empty stomach.
Except me.
Without fail, month after month, I would bust my tail setting up tables and chairs, setting out food, serving members as they came through with their plates, and then walking around with tea and water pitchers, refilling glasses as everyone ate and fellowshipped.
After everyone left, I stuck around to help break everything down and clean up. I would go home at around 4 p.m. for a quick nap before the evening service started, and I would be absolutely starving.
Simply put, I was so busy taking care of everyone else that I forgot to eat. I became very discouraged in that job and started internally pointing fingers at others for why I was so worn down and unhappy.
The truth is, my unhappiness was my own fault. Once I realized this and starting taking care of myself before even trying to take care of anyone else, I became happier and more useful to everyone.
Take care of you first
If you feel like you’re giving and giving and giving and don’t feel fulfilled by it, that likely means you aren’t investing in yourself enough.
Take a day off. Turn off that phone. Say no once in a while when you don’t have the internal margin to be there for others.
You need mental breaks from other people, and you need to really fill yourself up. From that overflow, others will be fed.
Cars can’t go without gas. Your phone will eventually die, and therefore be useless, if you don’t recharge it once in a while.
You are no different.
Take some time once in a while to unplug from other people, plug into whatever recharges YOUR batteries, and enjoy the fruit of taking care of you.
Other peoples’ problems will still be there when you are refreshed and ready to return to them.
Frank Vaughn is a regional Emmy and Associated Press Media Editors Award-winning journalist from Little Rock, Ark. He is a graduate of Ouachita Baptist University in Arkansas with a degree in Speech Communication, and the Defense Information School at Fort Meade, Md., with an emphasis in journalism and media relations.
Follow The Orange Journal so you don’t miss a post. Do you love to write about self-improvement and personal development? Learn how to be added as a writer here. 🍊
